Comedy is tragedy plus time.

For your viewing pleasure.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 22:35:22 GMT

Shut up, Amadeus. It's awesome.

::Celio

asklfhaskl;hfdlashk I hate Berlin.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 00:02:02 GMT

FIFA World Cup 2006 Final
starring German idiots, an angry Frenchman, and a dumb Italian

Linesman 1: So, what're you doing after the game?
Linesman 2: I dunno. D: Probably going to go celebrate. D:
Linesman 1: Sweet. Me too -- oh no, why is everyone freaking out?
Linesman 2: Um. I don't know.
Zidane: I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. DDDDX
Materazzi: I AM SO DEAD. ;_____; MY LUNGS. MY COLLAPSED LUNGS. I CANNOT GO ON.
Linesman 1: Uh.
Linesman 2: That Italian says Zidane tried to kill Materazzi. DDD:
Linesman 1: That monitor agrees!
Linesman 2: Cool. Red card!
Linesman 1: Totally. D:

///

Okay. D: So Italy decided to cheat. That's what Italians do. Haven't you people bent to stereotypes and watched The Godfather part 2579293572390? The Italians are fucking masters at this, so I'm really not suprised that they cheated the entire World Cup. D:

What the hell, linesmen? DX I hate you.

EDIT:

WHY DO GERMAN PEOPLE INSIST ON NOT TRANSLATING SHIT. I HATE GERMANIC LANGUAGES AND THEIR INABILITY TO USE LATIN ROOTS SO I CAN AT LEAST FIND COGNATES IN THE GODDAMN LANGUAGE.

sklghsdlkghsdl;hsdl;hgasl;hkg

::Celio

ROFL x 10

Sun, 09 Jul 2006 21:34:23 GMT

AHAHAHA.

Oh my good Lord in heaven, that has got to be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I was expecting some sort of screwup from France, but nothing like this!

Well done, Captain Zidane! Vive la France indeed! I'm sure all of the people in Paris are shouting your name now! "Zidane! Zidane! Zidane, the great Captain, the legendary player, the wonderful Frenchman, the stupid asshole!"

What were you thinking? "Let's make a total ass of myself in my last ever international appearance by headbutting Materazzi into the ground! I'm sure that will go over real well with my adoring fans!"

Marvelous! Well done! You made Italy's last ten minutes or so golden, now, didn't you? Italy can hold its head high and Materazzi can go home with a big stupid grin on his face because he was the man who broke Zidane's class.

You potentially cost France the World Cup, how does it feel?

Oh, that was beautiful, I must say. Why watch a comedy hour when you can turn into the most celebrated sport in the world and watch legendary players act like four year olds?

Very classy, Zidane. Very good example for your country.

EDIT:

My god, Materazzi falls like a girl.

::Celio

Fri, 07 Jul 2006 19:42:23 GMT

Watching teenagers fight is so amusing.

::Celio

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 21:45:04 GMT

I guess I can voice my approval of France just this once because Ronaldo is a fucking sobbing pussy who apparently can't be a man about losing a game to the French. D:

::Celio

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 20:00:21 GMT

I thought I would get into the patriotic swing of things (because that's what I do when I'm bored and feeling vaguely American) and state that, for the record, I still hate France.

I miss the ocean.

When someone thinks of the ocean, you think of sand, surf, salty air, a lot of people crowding around everything, marring the beauty of the ocean, and that obscenely cute lifeguard that won't just leave you alone. You never complain, because... well, she's obscenely cute.

Cuba had no lifeguards. I suppose that's because they didn't really care if we drowned or not. I never minded that no one really watched us, because it gave us a little more freedom than normally allotted at the homestead.

In the steel jungles of New York City, there is little opportunity to look at the ocean. New York City, bustling and busy it may be, has no oceans or beaches. The salty air that is brushed in by the constantly moving Atlantic quickly dies when it meets the smog constantly emitted by the thousands of cars, the subway system, and the huge belching factories. Why would someone bother placing an ocean right in the middle of corporate hell? I wouldn't, and I don't blame whatever God there may be for not wanting one here.

There must've been some form of beach that wasn't horrendously polluted at some point before humankind screwed it all up. I guess that's why Cuba has its beaches still intact -- they have no technology to mess it up, haha. They rely on the constant hurricanes to do it for them.

::Celio

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 16:53:16 GMT

Okay. :D+

So my choice for the World Cup lost. :D Apparently Brazil decided to STOP PLAYING FOOTBALL IN THE QUARTER-FINALS, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK! JESUS CHRIST, YOU PLAYED LIKE A BUNCH OF FUCKING DUMBASSES. WERE YOU NOT AWARE THAT YOU WERE IN A FUCKING GAME OR DID YOU THINK THIS WAS JUST A PRACTICE RUN AGAINST YOUR MOTHER? STUPID! STUPID STUPID STUPID. YOU LOST TO FUCKING FRANCE. WHO LOSES TO FRANCE? PUSSIES LOSE TO FUCKING FRANCE.

That's all. <3

::Celio

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:40:05 GMT

You Are The Sun

You represent the best of life - vitality, success, and and truth.
You tend to have a strong, centered, balanced personality.
Inspiration and discovery are your fortes. You are very mentally strong.
A talented mind, you tend to excel at math, philosophy, and music.

Your fortune:

As well as you have done in the past, the future is going to be filled with more success.
A new creative project is coming your way. Feed it, and it will grow into something huge.
Great riches, recognition, prosperity, or happiness is coming your way.
And it's possible that a fantastic vacation, or a new baby, is coming sooner than you think.

What Tarot Card Are You?

I win!

The Americans lost to a poor African country. Well done to Ghana, but my god, the Americans looked like kicked dogs.

::Celio

:DDD

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 02:08:14 GMT

Amadeus's stuffed rabbit named Foxtrot was the bane of my existence.

I wasn't really sure why when I was six, but I was positive that he hung around that damned brown rabbit more than he did me. It was a decrepit piece of work, with one blue eye missing and the other nearly falling off, its tail hanging by a few brown threads, and small bits of stuffing falling out every ten feet or so. In short, it needed to be thrown out, cremated, buried, or all of the above, and no one was going to do it but me.

The story of Foxtrot's demise began on a very hot day in July, with the two of us sitting on the steps of the nearest bodega, staring at people going by in the miserably hot sun.

"Why would anyone be shopping when it's so hot out?" I inquired of my best friend, groaning slightly as the sun made my headache even worse. I always assumed that he knew the answers to these sorts of questions, as he was secretly the smarter of the two of us, although I was the braver. "Everything would melt."

"Oranges do not melt," Amadeus told me quietly, staring intently at a small rock that had buried itself in the dirt road.

"How do you know?" I challenged irritably, watching my neighbor Señora Sanchez waddle down the street. She was very fat and very cruel. According to the whisperings of the other children our age, she had boiled her two baby sons alive, eaten them with bananas, and fed the bones to her dog.

"Have you ever seen an orange melt?"

"Have you?"

"Well, no--"

"Then they might melt, idiot." I pursed my lips, confident in my assessment on the melting abilities of an orange. "Want to go get one and try?"

"No, not really." He stood up and dusted off his pants. "I am going home."

Apparently, Amadeus did not see the fun in sitting outside during a drought. "Fine," I sighed, standing up as well, giving my friend a slight wave as he began his walk home. "Have fun with your oranges-that-don't-melt," I added as a yelled afterthought, causing him to give me an odd look. After a final wave, Amadeus vanished around the corner of a building, taking the shortcut to his own home.

It was then that I noticed his stupid rabbit lying on the stone stairs. Sensing a chance for revenge, I picked it up gingerly by a tattered ear, looking very thoughtful as I did so. I can't believe he left this stupid thing behind...

I swung it experimentally around in a circle. On Foxtrot's fifth swing, I grinned wickedly. "Well, if oranges can melt..."

***

"YOU SET HIM ON FIRE?"

I ignored him as I poked the ashes with a charred stick, looking quite pleased with the results. It had only taken a few sticks, a few matches, and a bit of luck for good ol' Foxtrot to burst into flames. With a bit of help, the stupid rabbit hadn't necessarily melted, but it certainly had changed form. Mission accomplished.

Unfortunately, my best friend did not see my scientific accomplishment. In fact, he was quite beside himself.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SET MY RABBIT ON FIRE!"

"I didn't set him on fire," I said simply, rolling my head backwards to stare at him with a 'Are you stupid?' look. "He burst into flames on his own."

Amadeus stared in absolute horror and continued to yell at me. "HE DIDN'T SET HIMSELF ON FIRE!" he yelled, clenching his fists.

I blinked. I had never seen my friend actually become angry. He'll stand around and let himself be made fun of, but he's mad over a stupid bunny? I thought, incredulous. What a moron. "Jeez, Amadeus, it was just a-"

It was far too late. He had already stormed off.

I stared after him, then looked down at the pile of ashes. "Oh well. I guess I'll get a vase so he can put it next to his bed."

Tell me I'm an insufferable moron, now, will you? D:! Well, fine, bastard.

::Celio

World Cup 2006 -- Because I know you all care.

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:50:21 GMT

Ignoring the fact that I have not played football since I was fifteen, and also ignoring the fact that I have not followed football since eighteen, I am going to voice my opinion anyway, because that is what I do best. :DDD

Uruguay is a completely useless country. Do any of you even know where Uruguay is? D: I'm going to be the bastard and assume no, you don't, but for those who are not in AP, IB, Amadeus, and... not the little rabid football freak in the corner, Uruguay is directly underneath Brazil in South America. It's a retarded country that no one cares about because they suck. D:

Ending that geography lesson, we'll also assume that everyone on my friends list is ignorant of South America. We'll assume that all you know is that they are very good at football and drug trafficking, and not much else. D: With that said, the only conclusion you can draw is that the referee was stoned. Three red cards in one game, two of them being completely useless? What the hell, fuckwad? You're going to get yourself suspended again.

On that note, what the hell was FIFA thinking even allowing him to ref this match? Did they think "Hm! After suspending him in 2002 for bad calls, let's give him another chance, because he's improved in the last four years! :DDD" What dumbasses. The ref deserves to be shot, not suspended.

I dislike the American team. I think they're all stupid assholes who have no idea what they're getting into by even bothering with the World Cup. I don't think Americans have any sense of football and don't deserve to be entered into the Cup. D: But even I can admit that that was shoddy reffing by the Uruguay dickhead.

You've all seen this 2107520937532097 times on your friends list, but I decided to be annoying and spam it one more time. :D

I'm supporting Brazil because my home country has its head too far up its communist ass to bother having a decent football team. D: And... I'll be damned if I support America. *_*

[/useless post]

::Celio

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 16:13:18 GMT

The kid next to this computer is playing chess online and muttering something about Russia.

::Celio

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 21:47:38 GMT

I told you so.

::Celio

I've had it with these motherfucking snakes!

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 21:02:50 GMT

So, in the celebrity news lately, Scientology has been on the rise in the celebrity community. D:

Everyone knows how crazy these people are and I have no doubt that they're the next Al Quaeda, with their golden rugs and millions of servants to brush their teeth for them because they can't do it themselves.

Apparently, some people object to this religion in general, and even better, Tom Cruise has joined the vicious ranks after being a closeted scientologist for years. D:

Fuck all of this. D: You want to know who the true crazy motherfucker is?

Samuel L. Jackson.

Want to know why?

This is why! Have you seen that site? D:< He acts like a total psychopath. No one can take that movie seriously, but he seems to be all gung-ho about the damn thing.

This man is clearly out of his mind. D: Therefore, forget Tom Cruise. Forget Scientology. Kill Samuel L. Jackson instead.

The movie is going to suck anyway. D:

This has been inspired by my insane boredom and lack of people to cure it.

::Celio

And here at twenty-three, it's the same old me.

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 21:29:36 GMT

"I am not playing cards with you," Amadeus told me serenely, ignoring my pleas of 'It's a fun game!' and 'You're just afraid you'll lose at something!' that continued for roughly ten minutes after his automatic refusal.

"You have absolutely no fun," I scoffed, staring incredulously at his return to his book. How could The Inferno be more interesting than a quick game of poker? It never failed to amaze me how Amadeus could look at honest to God fun in the face, politely decline, and return instantly to his latest form of masochism.

"You are turning down a night of cards with your best friend for Dante," I accused, looking astonished.

Amadeus looked over the top of his book, the faintest lines of annoyance appearing around his eyes. "I am not leaving you to die. Stop being melodramatic." He looked back at his pages. "And besides, I do not know how to play. What would be the use of playing if I have no idea how to proceed?"

"The point would be I would teach you," I said with as much patience as I could muster, "and then you would play me, and I would win."

"You need to play poker against someone who has no idea how to play in order to feel better about yourself?" Amadeus retorted, clearly in no mood to deal with my antics tonight.

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you need to bury yourself in ancient Italian literature to feel like a person?"

"I do not do it to feel like a person. I read because it is a healthy, productive way to pass the time. Learning how to gamble and cheating people out of money, somehow, does not appeal to me."

My insults were beginning to wear him down, however, as Amadeus eyed the stack of cards with interest. It was always the same pattern with him. He would refuse, still refuse, attempt to refuse, and then agree in the end to get me to shut up. It was so easy to get him to play along with my latest method to my madness.

"Dante is not your best friend," I said in a simpering, mock-hurt voice, throwing myself into the chair opposite of him with a pained sigh. "Dante didn't come with you to this country to make our own life, Dante didn't help you bury your pet dog underneath the tree in your backyard when it got hit by a moped-"

"You ran over my dog!" Amadeus interrupted with an incredulous stare.

I carried on, ignoring his interruption. "-Dante didn't punch out your girlfriend when she was being a complete and utter slut-"

"-that was completely unnecessary-"

"-and Dante-"

"I get it!" Amadeus finally snapped, tossing The Inferno aside with a scowl. "I understand! You do not appreciate the trials and tribulations of Virgil and Dante's descent into Hell. I fully understand your stupidity and density. How the hell do you play, you stupid little monster?"

SHUT THE FUCK UP, MY GOD.

Mon, 29 May 2006 00:36:10 GMT

So, Memorial Day is tomorrow and I am really failing to care. D: I mean, I love America and all, but it doesn't appeal to me to sit on a front lawn and go "AMERICA RAWKS!" all night.

I'm not going to sleep because of your country. Damn.

There's really no point to this entry. I just wanted to waste time.

::Celio

Let's give this a shot!

Tue, 23 May 2006 20:45:14 GMT

My first LiveJournal cut. Aren't you all excited? I certainly am.

Dearest representation of being,

Being the wonderful person that I am, I am wasting perfectly valuable time to write you a beautifully crafted letter that you can read in your spare time, but that is assuming you have spare time. Being me, you make spare time in order to keep some sanity. I see hat slingshot underneath your bed, you arrogant monster.

Let's talk about progress. You love that word, however, you dislike how long it takes to take hold. Isn't it perfectly aggravating? I think it is. It's way too much work to invest in something that might not even last, but you hate permanent fixtures in your life. Things must always be moving.

That may bite you in the ass. Make note of that, young padawan, because no one else is going to tell you that except yourself.

Also make a note that Amadeus is usually right, as much as it pains me to admit. A very good friend, I will give him that, but he's far too nice for his own good. Give him a bit of your cynicism, your anger, and quite a bit of your sarcastic good humor for me. It'll do him some good, don't you agree? Of course not, because you think he's a hopeless spineless fool at this point in your life, but he is still a good friend. Do not show him this letter, Celio, as he will be hurt. Later on, I imagine he will take it with a grin, as he does everything else in his God forsaken life.

Smack him for me, will you? He's still your height, I think.

What else should I discuss? Perhaps America? Or maybe your future? I suppose I should also tell you that the two are heavily intertwined, but maybe I'll avoid that and have you read this sentence again to make sure that I did indeed tell you.

Let's discuss your home. I know how crazy it drives you. You hate the inability to speak, mostly, because you find yourself so good at it. You speak anyway, however discreetly. I suggest you stop and keep your mouth shut for a little bit longer. Your best friend has many conniptions over the possibility that you will be thrown into jail, so best avoid that happy tragedy.

I absolutely hate New York City, though. It is such an empty city. It's so full of people that it's empty, you know? I loathe it. I want to blow it up. Unfortunately, someone already tried that and nearly succeeded, and now we have that blasted PATRIOT Act in place because of it.

Well done, Al Quaeda. You fail at life.

Don't you agree, Celio? I certainly do.

Keep in contact with Maria. It will make things far easier in the end.

With love, life, and a sarcastic grin,

Celio

P.S.: Do not tell Amadeus about Maria. It will only end in tears.

Hee hee. That was almost fun! I'm starting to actually enjoy LiveJournal. Maybe I'll even, uh, use it more than I intended.

:: Celio

... and all that shit.

Tue, 23 May 2006 15:56:32 GMT

Clearly, I have lost my mind and gone to absolute and total hell.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be writing in this little box, but I quite like the little box that is my LiveJournal, so I guess I'll write it in whenever I feel like it. Really, this entry is only so my layout won't look completely stupid. I'm also forcing Amadeus into having one so his doesn't look stupid.

I do not like stupid.

Oh my god, the stars look like my best friend's girlfriend.

:: Celio